Jump to: Before: Stabilizing Rage · Anger as a Secondary Emotion · A Simple Story: Interpreting Anger Through the CPTSD Lens · Why Understanding the Hurt Beneath Matters · Sitting With the Pain · Anger Power Vs. Inner Power · When Small things Feel Big |Gentle Reminder

Anger was one of the most difficult emotions I had to deal with, especially right after my full-blown breakdown.

I’m also going to address rage because that’s like your system in full emergency mode and that needs to quiet down before dealing with anger. (You can skip to that part here).

It’s part of how we’re hard wired and it can be helpful if you’re facing a bear in the wild. In most modern situations though, and complex trauma, it becomes maladaptive. 

Anger in CPTSD, does not move through the body in the same way. Like everything else it gets magnified by a lot. It gets stuck and loops over and over. It feels deeply personal.
It’s overwhelming and even smaller events can trigger a huge internal reaction that doesn’t match the situation.

There is a reason for this, and once you start to understand it, the anger in CPTSD becomes easier to navigate over time. 

CPTSD affects the nervous system at a deep level. Your body reacts first, long before your mind understands what is happening. The system is trained to assume danger and is usually attached to built up past experiences we’re not always aware of. It prepares for threat before confirming it. This anger can rise from the nervous system itself, not always the actual situation in front of you. 

This is why CPTSD anger feels stronger. Because it forms around stories that you are already carrying and deeply buried hurts. 

Anger in CPTSD often is tied to hypervigilance, fear, unresolved trauma, shame, a sense of injustice and feeling unsafe, an unconscious belief you are not enough.

When this gets activated anger appears fast and suddenly. It’s not your fault. It’s a learned survival pattern.

The following may be obvious to a lot of you, but it was not to me. Anger is designed to protect but is often a secondary emotion. It steps forward to shield something softer and more vulnerable underneath.

I guess on the surface it’s apparent. But when you start treating what’s underneath in a consistent way, it helps lower anger overall. In the end, you realize it’s actually directed inwards. 

Under anger, many of us carry:

• Hurt
• Sadness
• Loneliness
• Fear
• Same
• Powerlessness
• The belief that we don’t matter
• The belief that we’re not enough

This is especially true for the ones we’ve felt in childhood. The type of powerlessness you’ve experienced when you were younger.

If you’re having a lot of thoughts like “How could you”, “How dare you” and you experience these often, it serves as a clue that your window of tolerance is smaller, and it’s time to look inside.

For me the core messages beneath most bursts of anger were: I am not enough, I am alone, Something is wrong with me, I am deeply wounded, I have no way out. 

This was not conscious. But the intensity of the anger in CPTSD matched the intensity of that hidden belief. Anger was trying to protect me from the pain underneath.

Anger is often also connected to boundaries in general. In CPTSD, those boundaries were often ignored or not respected earlier in life, and anger originally formed as protection in response to something external. Over time though, the expression turns inward.

Because of this, anger in CPTSD can feel out of proportion to the present moment, and it can be difficult to identify what boundary is actually being crossed.

When you understand that anger is a secondary emotion, you can stop trying to shut it down. You stop fighting it. You stop treating anger like the problem.

Instead you can start to ask different questions: 

• What is hurting here?
• What part of me is scared and of what?
• What belief is being activated?
• Is it powerlessness, loneliness, hurt…?

Tuning into this is where the healing begins. Addressing the layer beneath helps to soften the anger. Caring for the younger wounded part of you allows the protector part relax.
It also starts to build up your self-love and self-trust, building your resilience which all work to lessen anger overall.

This is the deeper work that makes anger less intense over time:

1. Don’t try to push the anger right away 
   Let it exist gently for a few minutes without pushing or fixing.
   Trying to push things away immediately can sometimes increase the pain, because the hurt underneath just wants to be seen.
2. Allow some space for the anger or emotion
   Can you sit with it for a bit and in a gentle way.
   Can you be curious about this.
   Where do you feel it in your body. Does it have a shape? Does it have a color? Can you bring it into a soothing color/shape?¹
3. Remember your body is trying to protect you
   It may not seem like it. But anger gives a small boost and sense of power, even if it’s maladaptive and a false sense of power.
   At some point your wellbeing and power will become more apparent and will come from healing & feeling compassionate toward yourself.
   It will come from tending to your wounds.
4. Care for the Hurt Underneath
   Remember to practice the steps above when not in distress as well. Engage in moments of compassion and remind yourself that “anger is just a wounded you“

Finding compassionate words for your anger can feel unnatural at first. If you struggle to talk to that wounded part of yourself, I created a free Phrase Bank to give you the words until they become your own.

You’ll be surprised to see that you’ll have more compassion and tolerance for others as well. You’ll see them as human with their own pasts and mistakes who are deserving of grace. 

When your inner world becomes safer, your external world has less power over you and your reactions. 

Think of how a wounded animal reacts: guarded, tense and hard to approach. It’s not because it’s mean, it’s just protecting a hurt. Humans do this too. Untended emotional wounds make everything feel threatening, the way an open cut reacts to even the lightest touch.

But the anger that’s displayed there? I’m calling it “Anger Power” for the context of this post. Remember, this is for everday moments, not situations where this type of anger may be helpful.

Anger can give you small adrenaline boosts, but overall, unless you’re in immediate danger, it can create a false sense of strength and can turn into resentment. Inner power, however, is another story.

If you’re feeling like everyone around you is annoying, or frequently aggravated. If you find yourself frequently saying “How dare you?” or “How could you!”

It’s time to look inward.

You may be tired as well from the battle that is CPTSD. Time to take a break and take care of yourself. 

It’s human nature to push away emotions that we deem negative, scary or painful. It makes sense.

But if you sit with it them a little bit, with mindfulness and calm, you start feeling seen and heard. You can start to rebuild and ingrain the healing messages instead. “I have worth” “I do have power”, “I am always deserving of love.” 

At some point, you realize your joy and energy in the moment are more important than your perception of someone else’s misery or sense of justice. Your present life becomes more important.

The internal world with old pains makes small things feel big.
Support it and they stay small. , Allie C.

Work with the hurt beneath your anger. You’re not forcing calm. You’re becoming calmer because the emotional weight inside of you has been seen and is lighter. 

Anger in CPTSD is rarely about the surface situation. It is almost always about the deeper wound underneath. When you understand this, anger loses its power to control you.

It’s not about eliminating anger. The real work is caring for the part of you that feels hurt, alone, unseen, or not enough.

When that part feels supported, your anger softens over time.

It’s another step in emotional safety, self-trust, resiliency and peace.

Warmly,
Allie C. | CalmFire™

When you’re triggered, finding the right words can be hard.
I created a free Phrase Bank with specific phrases for safety, neutrality, compassion, belonging, and personal power. Use it as a gentle anchor back to the present.

Recommended Next: When You Feel Like “I Can’t Do This Anymore” in CPTSD: A Grounded Way to Do Nothing
1. If you’d like to know more about Somatic Practices you can check out Psychology Today.

Note: I’m not a licensed professional. I’m sharing from my own healing journey and these are tools that have helped me personally. Please give yourself and others space and patience along the way. This blog is for support, not a substitute for professional care. If you are in crisis, call 911 or your local emergency number.

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