Negative Self Talk Examples Part 1: The Obvious

Negative Self Talk Examples (Part 1): The Obvious Inner Critic

What is your inner voice telling you? Learn to notice and gently redirect unhelpful inner messages.

Understanding Your Inner Voice

Recognizing negative self talk examples is the first step toward changing how you speak to yourself. There are different ways in which we speak negatively to ourselves. Part 1 of 3 examines the loudest and most obvious voice.

We all have an inner voice. Sometimes it’s neutral, like when we’re thinking random thoughts throughout the day or mentally making a to-do list.

Even those can bring a bit of anxiety, but here we’re focusing on the words themselves.

Our inner voice can be kind and try to reassure us:
“It’ll be okay.”
“You can do this.”
“It’s just one step at a time.”

But it can also be harsh. This is what we often call negative self talk.

Common Negative Self Talk Examples

Here are a few negative self talk examples many people repeat without even noticing:

“You’ll never get it right.”
“You always mess things up.”
“I should be doing better.”
“Everyone else has it figured out.”
“Why can’t I do this?”

These thoughts may seem small, but they add up. The negative self-talk examples listed above, create an environment inside your mind that feel unsafe and critical.

The goal of this series is to notice and begin changing these internal messages.

Why These Thoughts Matter

Everyone encounters the harsher inner voice at times, some more than others. One reason we encounter these thoughts is simply that humans are hard wired this way¹.

It’s self protective: scan for what’s going wrong so you can pre-emptively take action and guard against it. The problem is it doesn’t really work in our modern day world anymore. Especially, in our daily lives.

When we focus in on these messages, we also reinforce them.

Researchers at Queen’s University estimate we have around 6,200 thoughts per day. That number may not be exact, but we know it’s a lot. And that’s only counting the ones we remember.

Our minds are busy places, and even when we think we’re not thinking, we often are.

The Harsh Voice and the Not-So-Neutral Voice

Let’s start looking at two types of negative self talk examples:

1. The Harsh critical voice: this one is more obvious. The message is loud and “clear”. It likes to point out ways in which we are powerless, can’t do things right or are alone. This one hurts. Sometimes it runs quietly in the background, over and over. Some examples are:

– “You really suck.”
– “Nobody really likes you.”
– “You’ll never get better.”
– “I’m a bad person”
– “I’m better off alone”

2. The “Not-So-Neutral”: this voice seems neutral at first but has the same underlying message carried out in a more subtle way.

These are also examples of negative self talk, just in a quieter form:
– “I should have worked out.”
– “Why didn’t I [behave a certain way]?”*
– “I have too many things going on.”**
– “I wish I was in a different place.”
– “I wish I could go back and change [insert past event].”

Or repeating what’s going wrong over and over*:
– “My life sucks.”
– “I messed my my exam.”
– “I’m not happy.”

* Gentle note: Of course it’s normal to feel pain when something difficult happens. Here we’re talking about how we interpret to the event and how we stay stuck in it.
*This is different than re-experiencing a flashback. However, I do believe that listening to these phrases over and over makes the healing slower.

These may seem more well meaning but can often imply judgement, induce feelings of inadequacy, misplaced pressure and guilt.
They can involve the past, something which you can reflect on but can’t change.

*The tone with which these are said matters as well. For instance a curious “why” is much different than a judgmental “why”. More to come on that in a separate post.
**Depending on how you approach them, mental to-do lists can actually carry judgement, especially when they’re full of “I have to” or “I should” and filled with feelings of inadequacy/guilt.
**This does not mean there isn’t a lof of “stuff” going on. Rather, it’s the associated dread and lack of power that’s associated with it and will be covered in Part 3.

The Not-So-Neutral implies that you are doing something “wrong”; it’s making a character judgement about you and not taking into consideration any other circumstances.

Think about what happens when we repeat those messages every day. Picture a parent or a friend saying, “You can’t do anything right”. “You’re a failure.”

Even hearing that once would bring anyone down. Yet, that’s what a lot of us do. We say things these to ourselves everyday, several times a day, and reinforce these messages.

How Would A Close Person Speak to You?

Gentle Note:
Complex trauma tries to make us focus on what is going wrong and what’s missing. If you’re thinking, “The people closest to me were horrible,” or “I don’t have anyone,” it’s okay that these thoughts show up, and they can change, too. For the purpose of this exercise, try staying open to possibility, even just a little. Healing doesn’t mean pretending the past wasn’t real; it means making room for something new to grow.

If this feels strange or even painful at first, that’s okay too. If warmth hasn’t been common, imagining it may stir sadness, numbness, or anxiety. That’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you. Keep the picture gentle; it often softens with time. You’re in charge of the pace so take breaks or skip this for now if you need to, and be kind with yourself.

This can be a real person, but it can also be an imagined person. Someone who would be there for you… The mind is more powerful than we believe and getting used to picturing kindness can be a helpful tool.

Imagine a best friend came to you saying they couldn’t get anything done or felt they were failing. What would you want to say?

Maybe something like, “You’re being too hard on yourself,” or “I know this is hard, but give it time.” Maybe even, “I’m here for you.”

That’s the tone we rarely use with ourselves. You might be much harsher on yourself than you realize. Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s buried and more subtle like, wondering why healing isn’t happening, what’s wrong with you, or why it’s taking so long.

Those thoughts are often hidden self-blame. And yes, it can feel awkward or even “silly” to change how you talk to yourself at first, but it matters.

The more you practice, the more you learn to be kind to yourself and the more your brain and body learn they are safe.

You’ll be surprised to notice that you may have more tolerance for others as well and notice that they too are just human.

How to Start Changing Negative Self Talk

You don’t have to silence every negative thought. You just need to begin noticing when the harsh voice shows up and start making small shifts.

Step 1: Pause and Name It

When you catch a critical voice, quietly say to yourself, “This my inner critic.”
This voice often comes from self-protection. It learned to be harsh after receiving harshness. But it’s gotten too big and into Black-and-White thinking. It’s shutting you down entirely.

Try to see it as a wounded part that once tried to help but learned some maladaptive ways along the way. When you recognize this, you can start to transform it into something gentler and more supportive over time. It’s like a guard on alert trying to get you to notice so it can be reassured.

Step 2: Breathe with a Slower Exhale

Take one calm breath, letting the exhale last a little longer than the inhale. This helps your nervous system move toward calm and tells your body that you are safe in this moment.

Step 3: Add “Thank You” and a Softer Phrase

Try acknowledging your inner critic saying, “Thank you.” and “It’s okay now.”
Then follow with a small, compassionate reframed statement like:

“I’m learning.”
“I’m doing my best.”
“I’m safe now.”
“I can start again.”
“It’s okay to feel anxious, I wonder what could help?”
“Things take time.”

For Not-So-Neutral you can try:

“I choose to workout”
“I am not perfect and that’s ok.”
“I own my choices”.
“It might be uncomfortable but I can learn and grow from my mistakes.”
“Thanks (inner critic) but I can handle this” or “Let’s work together”
I like this one because you are taking control and building even more self-trust which leads the inner critic to calm down.

These small moments of self-kindness begin to rewrite your inner dialogue. You’re also learning to own your feelings and your thoughts.

Over time, you’ll start to readjust your thinking patterns and notice more space between a harsh thought and your reaction. That space is where self-compassion takes root.

From Awareness to Change

You’ll start noticing these negative self talk examples in different ways and continue to reframe them, over and over. The goal isn’t perfection but progress and gentle change. Sometimes we don’t realize it but we’re still little kids on the inside: we expect things to happen and change right away.

Tell this inner frustrated child that change can take time and it’s ok.

Every time you respond with a little more patience or understanding, you’re building new pathways for calm and confidence.

You can stay the same person and still have things begin to change.
Take a step back. Start noticing the tone of your inner little changes and watch them switch to bigger shifts.

Over time, this practice helps you face challenges differently and respond to life with more adaptability. And when you start being kinder to yourself, even in small ways, you’ll often find more patience and grace for others too.

If you’d like gentle ideas for what to say instead, you can download the CalmFire™ Word Bank™: a free resource with replacement phrases to help you start building a calmer, kinder inner dialogue.

Little changes matter.

With Warmth,
Allie C. | CalmFire™

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External Reading: 1. To learn more about negativity bias click here.

Note: I’m not a licensed professional. I’m sharing from my own healing journey and these are tools that have helped me personally. Please give yourself and others space and patience along the way. This blog is for support, not a substitute for professional care. If you are in crisis, call 911 or your local emergency number.